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 St.Barbie © by Mark Ryden. Used with permission. |
Bare-Breasted Barbie
My favourite Christmas present this year was Topless Barbie. Well, okay, her real name is Fruit Fantasy Barbie but it wasn't long before she was out of the box and transformed by me into Topless Barbie, fearless teenage redeemer of female sexuality. I keep her now beside my computer for familiar company into my explorations into female beauty, the way a paleontologist might keep a dinosaur bone, or a geologist an especially interesting rock.
The thing that I like about her is that she doesn't seem to mind being topless at all. In fact, she's totally up for it, the same way she's been up for any adventure asked of her by little girls for over 40 years. She's just as bright eyed and happy to be a spokemodel for toplessness as she is to be a doctor, a rock star, or Jane of the Jungle.
It's a shame that Mattel, the toy maker responsible for manufacturing Barbie, is not as brave as she is. Over a year ago they gave in to feminist complaints that Barbie did not realistically represent the average woman. So they shrunk her boobs and widened her waist.
As I wrote at the time in my November 18, 1997 webpage, Mattel was probably thinking "it'll get those pesky feminists off our backs." But as I predicted, also at that time, it hasn't. "Instead, feminists will be encouraged by this," I wrote,"and will now attack with a renewed sense of purpose..." I have been proven right. As I suspected then, Barbie attacks are becoming even more openly what they have always been, which is: attacks on human values, ALL human values, period.
If you don't believe me, take a look at this letter to the editor at the Toronto Star written long after Barbie was given more "realistic" proportions by Mattel, and written, as you will notice, not by a feminist, but by a MAN!
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Barbie needs dose of reality to grow up
Much to my dismay, my daughter has taken a liking to Barbie dolls. Although Sarah is only 4 and Barbie is now 40, they're already the best of friends. I don't mind my daughter playing with dolls; I expected that. But I hoped she could avoid the unreality of Barbie's world. With an anatomically impossible body and a fantasy lifestyle replete with great clothes, great parties and no apparent responsibilities, Barbie presents an unhealthy role model for little girls. And to make things worse, now there's Sleeping Beauty Barbie - the ultimate in fantasy lifestyles. It's time Barbie grew up. At 40 years old, she and her friends should start acting their age and presenting some realistic role models for today's little girls. Role models such as: Ninth Month Barbie. Barbie's nine months pregnant and it shows. Pull the ring in her back and she'll let you know how she feels. "My feet are swollen!" "I'm never doing this again!" "Don't touch me!" Press her belly button and she goes into agonizing labour for 14 hours. Placenta and newborn infant sold separately. Caregiver Barbie. Caregiver Barbie works at the local day-care centre caring for the children of upper-income families for minimum wage. She has only one outfit and comes with no accessories or career options. Cavalier Ken. No Prince Charming, Cavalier Ken represents a realistic portrayal of Barbie's probable life partner. He comes unshaven with a beer belly and an aversion to cooking, cleaning and child care. Cavalier Ken has several outfits, all of which are old, worn, and mismatched. Post-modern Feminist Barbie. Post-modern Feminist Barbie is the culmination of 30 years of feminist advances. She comes with a selection of power suits and briefcases. Options include a husband, one child and a nanny. Watch post-modern feminist Barbie self-destruct trying to have it all. Middle-aged Barbie. With sagging breasts and widening hips, Barbie finally looks her age. Graying hair and wrinkles say: "I'll never see 39 again." Accessories include hair dye, anti-wrinkle cream and battery operated liposuction kit. Supermodel Barbie. Supermodel Barbie possesses the bizarre physical dimensions of the original Barbie so long as you keep pushing the "bing and purge" button. Brain sold separately. Co-dependent Cricket. Co-dependent Cricket is a more realistic portrayal of Barbie's younger sister. She lives vicariously through Barbie and is enrolled in several 12-step programs. It's time, too, to get rid of those sports cars, dream homes and designer wardrobes. How about more realistic accessories like Barbie's double-wide trailer, Barbie's 1991 Ford Escort and Barbie's Instant Divorce Kit? With these new dolls and accessories, Barbie's world will finally reflect reality. And little girls will know that Barbie's world is really all there is. Hey, who said playing with dolls had to be fun? |
| -David Martin, The Toronto Star, Opinions, Sept. 30, 1999. |
I know it's hard to believe, but there it is, pure hatred of human values, expressed not only openly, but with moral righteousness, the kind that comes from being unopposed. Notice that it is no longer her proportions that people like him are portraying as unrealistic, but rather her ability to achieve values, any values, all-round American values, things like career, family, and happiness! These are the things Barbie's attackers feel are "unrealistic" and that therefore little girls should not be exposed to! Or else, like this guy, they feel Barbie's values are impossible in real life so where's the harm in allowing little girls a little fantasy before they grow up? Frankly, I don't know which attitude is worse. Clearly, they are both anti-value.
If you think this is a rare example of such open hatred of values, or if you think this piece is satire, let me tell you that when my wife, Leanne, learned I was writing this webpage she immediately remembered seeing a militant college feminist activist who appeared on an afternoon talk show with her collection of Barbie's which she had mutilated into what she saw as more "realistic" women: Trailer Park Barbie, Crack-Head Barbie, Welfare Barbie, Lax-Grooming Habits Barbie, etc.
Then there's the woman who dresses Barbie up in Burqua, the full-body covering worn by women in many fundamentalist Islamic nations throughout the world, the one they wear before their rights and then their lives are systematically taken away.
We have all seen this sort of goof on Barbie many times, and unfortunately, most of us react the same way. We give her attackers the benefit of the doubt. "They can't really mean what they say", we tell ourselves, unable to conceive of a consciousness so full of hatred, not for evil, but for values.
Mattel has made the same mistake. They assumed their attackers had good intentions. They assumed feminists only wanted Barbie to have more 'realistic' boobs. Boy were they wrong! Feminists want to destroy Barbie utterly, and they will not rest until she is taken off toy store shelves for good. They see Mattel's willingness to back down as encouragement to go for what they really want. It doesn't matter to her attackers whether Barbie has big boobs or no boobs at all. It doesn't matter if her proportions are impossible. The thing they hate about Barbie is the fact that she is someone for little girls to look up to, she is a role model, she represents human values. It is human values that feminists and other Barbie attackers despise and want to destroy, it is the look of eagerness for life's joys on the innocent faces of little girls that they want to squash, or turn into a delusion, and Mattel has opened the door for them.
But there is hope. To the rescue comes Topless Barbie, fearless teenage redeemer of female sexuality. If Mattel really wanted to get feminists off their backs they'd come out with a Topless Barbie for real. She'd keep feminists and other beauty-haters so busy trying to have her banned that they'd have to leave the other Barbies alone. And it would accomplish something even more important: it would give little girls the chance to admire a woman's sexuality in an innocent way. That way they might grow up to be the kind of adults who recognize attacks on Barbie for what they really are: attacks on little girls.
To enjoy more of Mark Ryden's paintings, like St. Barbie above, visit his website at www.markryden.com.
